Monday, November 9, 2009

Strive?

I'm like just a dude that strives for perfection? I've always been among Very different Groups, those that have proven to survive very well in this bull shit.
I've taken a piece of everywhere and harness it. and now i am it. than i realize, I've no personality, since i'm just a piece of various cultures, so i begin searching for my laughs again from my dead cold eyes. Now I've found it and realize again that I'm actually lonely and have no cliques apart from those different"me" i attained, so wtf am i doing?, 18 and pondering about shit every dam night, Indefinitely i thought that maybe i just need more girl friends whom are more sensitive or just a really good relationship with a girl, i think I've found one but my fear of rejection is just getting worse as i'm growing more desperate for a solution to true happiness, and again i'm emoing again now but i will eventually get over it, just sucks man. suicide is a joke. haiz... But actually each time i ponder if my mental is gonna survive it at the end. All my rejections and Breakups Have piled up, maybe its just time to let go.
kel-kel || 8:03 AM

Friday, November 6, 2009

Power?

As i grow older, i feel more afraid to show affection, I Just try my best not to be shown as Weak, The strong me just wants to rip things apart and the gentle me is just feeling scared. mofopowers gone and all, i'm still not solved.
I'm so brave in everything except love, it thoroughly embarrasses Me as Strong and i keep colliding.. I'm back to playing retarded games, MAPLE CAN U EFFING believe MAPLE? i'm feeling very empty now, have almost no mood to scold vulgarities, Every where i look, i feel deceived and Bluffed, i think I'm now losing my individuality. I'm saying all this shit but i'd know some day i'd get over it and another i will be pondering over it again, still.. it just means sth when no 1 gives a shit anymore, and you can only don give a shit to everything else that matters. Overall i'm just saying, i'm losing faith in "friendship" "Courtship" And "Love". i'd probably be driven insane if i would to think about all this every where i look, it's really just draining me. Why couldn't i been Born a Nerd whom cant see what i see, i'm tired and sick of this. sleeping for a whole day didn't help, i've no records of 18 year olds playing Maple, and i'm actually being the people i condemned. All is said and done, Some how we Never Begun, Thank you Keldon for reading this Post roflmao, i'm entertaining my self, thoughs, what? what rubbish?, liking girls for thier smell? i find that insane.. what to do i'm retarded. Gun please?, i'm in the living room and i'm typing my thoughts down, hmm... If i'm that special and that one, why am i still feeling lonely?. am i doing the wrong stuff in life?. i've already burned bikes, trees and stuff, what else can i do?.
kel-kel || 9:00 AM